My Heaven

There's something inherently wrong with me. I always try to find the good in people. even ones I was told to stay away from. People I was told hated me, to never talk to them. I still try to find the good in them. I don't believe that any person is strictly bad. I think there are several things that make people who they are. Things that we, as humans, try not to look at. We like to assume a person is all bad, and move on, pretending that they never existed in the first place.

I don't strictly hate. I hate what people do to me. But my willingness to forgive is what makes me strong. There are people in this would that, by other people's standards, don't deserve a fifth, sixth, seventh chance. But the problem is, if I don't believe in them, who will? I was always told not to talk to these people because they've done nothing but beat me into the ground and hurt me.

There's a song by Hawk Nelson that I keep thinking of. You can take the one thing I have left, beat me to the ground and take my breath, but you can't take who I am.

You can stop me, you can tell me I'm making a huge mistake, but I believe in second chances. No one is purely bad, and no one is purely good. I was raised to believe in people; good and bad. Everything is to be taken with one grain of truth to it. People lie because they want something to believe in, they want someone to hear them, they need a voice.  Well, I'm here. I listen. Why am I never good enough?

If there's anything that the children in church taught me, it's that there's always that one person that needs a hug. And they're the one person that people overlook on a daily basis.

I want you to know...if anything. I don't hate you. I don't hate you at all. I never did. I hated what you did to me.  I hated the fact that you threw me away like trash, even after saying we'd stay friends. I hated how you beat me into the wall and gave me no way out, then turned and told everyone I let you. I hated how you left me for my best friend. I hated how you didn't stop me from leaving.  I hate how you hurt me...how you pretended that my sacrifices were never enough. That's what I hate about you.

You never believed in me.

Not a single one of you.

But I believe in you.