And I'm waiting for you to capture my imagination because I'm fooled by the illusions in my head.
I still love him. I'll never stop loving him. But there's this terrifying feeling consuming me that I can't seem to shake. Everyone keeps telling me to leave him. By "everyone", of course, I mainly mean my coworkers. There's so many words on my mind, mixing and mingling, jumbling up my emotions and making me feel like a child without a light in the dark. I know what I want. I know exactly what I want. I want to be with him. I don't care what everyone seems to think; he isn't a bad person. He's not terrible at all. In fact, he's really only ever hurt me once since we've been together, and I suspect that was because he was under someone else's influence. (Likely the same one who emailed me and gave me a load of crock about how he was cheating on me with his ex).
The problem is that this feeling won't go away. I told him a day ago that I needed time to myself. I managed to get through most of the day without really talking to him. But today, it was different. I wanted to talk to him, but he wouldn't talk to me. We've talked...not via text, maybe...for an hour in the last week. I don't know what to think of this. I don't know if we're growing complacent, or if I'm just being anxious again. I feel like there's nothing I can do to win him back. I've had so many emotional train wrecks lately, I don't even know who I am anymore.
I fear that this may be the end of the line for this relationship. There is no further for us right now. It's all just an illusion that my mind created for me because I was simply lonely. I would never give up on love, not in my life, but perhaps it's not giving up so much as it is waiting for it to come back.
