Why Wait? This is our Someday.

What is the hardest thing you ever had to do?

In my eyes, the hardest thing I'll ever have to do, and it still happens to day, is letting go of a friend.  Sometimes you just need to walk away because you've got irreconcilable differences. Sometimes you just need to say goodbye because they're only hurting you...but nothing hurts more than saying goodbye to someone you were once so close to.  I've had many friends over the years, and I've said goodbye to many people.  I say "goodbye" because it's more permanent. When you say "Goodbye" it kind of implies there's no going back.

Of all the people in my life, two of them were particularly hard to say goodbye to.

James. James will always be number one because I'll always remember that he was my summer love.  And I guess winter got the best of us this year.  He was very close to my heart, and I still stop breathing when I see he messaged me. I still cry when I remember that we never got to meet. I'll still hurt when I realize that it was all a joke from the beginning.  And unfortunately, though I haven't officially said goodbye, I know it's coming.  I know I'll have to, because my heart isn't a joke. I'm tired of you pretending that you're so flawless. Granted, to me, you were flawless. But you really aren't. You were the first one to argue with me when I said I was fat. You were the first one to call me when I said I was going to kill myself. I stood with you through floods, storms, depressions, suicide attempts, tears...nights of restlessness...three breakups...and it took my leaving for you to realize how much you really cared. And now that I'm with someone, you make my whole life topsy turvy. You make me rethink everything I was so sure of not even ten minutes ago.  You make me wonder why I let go.  And the problem is that I need to let go.  I refuse to let you be my stalker. I love you. But, like you said. You don't love me like I love you. So if that's the case, you need to stop saying that "I love you, why did I let you go"? In the end, James, you let me go...so I'm allowed to say no to you. Like you said before; you have a bright future ahead of you...it just doesn't include me...I'm sorry you didn't realize I would have done anything for you. I'm sorry you'll never know what my limits are when it comes to you.  But, sometimes, you just need to walk away and let go. The only thing worse than beating a dead horse is betting on one.

Jaime. When I left him, I told him that I was leaving him to be with Ray. I didn't stop to think of how he'd feel. I didn't think I would regret it. I just did it.  I went and walked away promising to visit one day and I never did.  I still hate myself for doing that to him...and I would never do it again.

You take my world and turn it up...

Can you smile for me? - Red

What if I told you no? Yes. I can smile for you. Will I? Not likely. =D

So buy every lie that won't come true...

Why do you forgive someone knowing you'll only get hurt again?

My dad always told me that I see "too much good" in people.  He told me that there's a point where you need to realize that sometimes you can't save someone.  And, even though I know exactly who asked this, and I can't say it, I know why you're asking me this.  I wish I could thwap you upside the head a good few times so you'd understand.  There are times in your life when you realize you really are alone, and that you need to cherish everything you have.  Getting hurt is part of growing up. Getting hurt is inevitable. It's going to happen no matter where you go. You just need to choose who hurts you.

I forgive because if no one believes in them, who will? Everyone needs someone to believe in them. Everyone needs that little bit of hope.  I can handle being hurt, some people can't.  I don't mind being the one who cries. I don't mind being the one who hurts. It's who I am and why I'm here.  I know that there are times when you just need to walk away; but God puts people in your life for a reason, whether you believe it or not. I will never be the one to walk away from someone who needs me. Even if I know that they're going to kill me one day, I will not walk way from them.  As Skillet once said; Faith will bring a way to the impossible.

When you tell me to stay
I hold my breath
When you tell me to go
It scares me to death
When you tell me you care
I wonder why I'm still here
When you tell me to stop
I question if you're sincere
When you tell me you love me
My heart beats a little bit faster
When you tell me you missed me
I wonder if this feeling will last
When you say goodmorning
I smile like I'm insane
When you say goodnight
It prepares me for the next day
Yet even though I try to hate you
I can't seem to find the words to
When you tell me to forget about you
I can't find a single reason to
I don't hate you
I hate what you do
I would never let go of you
Not even if you wanted me to

~Kitt Wilson

Raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways!

Fondest memory of a boyfriend?

We'll go in order of who was first =D

Jaime: I remember going swimming at his house and falling out. I also remember when I sat there with him on the couch, cuddling for hours until Scott came to get me. =)

Ray: Falling asleep in his basement. I remember when his dad came down and asked him if I was dead. I also recall going to his house to teach him marching...and, well, not teaching him really anything.

Darren: When he wasn't being an asshole, I remember, very fondly, the snowball fights outside =)

Donald: Umm...wow...I guess...all the sleepovers? Of course, when I fell away from faith, he was the one to say to me; "I want to know where you'll go when you die...I want to know you'll be in Heaven waiting for me."...he also said at one time "I'd never be ashamed to be seen with you."

James: ...there are too many. I remember him playing for me...and I remember hearing him laughing in the background, and it made me smile.  I remember him fighting with me when I said I was fat, and he rebutted with "You're fucking gorgeous, okay?" ...yeah...it's hard to hate him when he says stuff like that.

Jaime: I know...repeating myself..."Why don't you ever believe me when I say you're beautiful?"  Can't avoid that sweetness. =D

Sorry is a word that you'll never need...

Would you ever tell someone upfront how you feel about them?

If you're talking about romantically, then I'm usually the first one to say those magical three words. I also asked out all my boyfriends. Every. Single. One.  So, yeah, I guess I'm pretty upfront when it comes to boys.  My dad always told me that I come off as more of a boy than a girl, wonder why? ^_~

When it comes to people in general, sometimes I'm open about it.  If i just met the person and I get the "vibe" that I don't like them, I give them a chance to prove me wrong. I try my best not to judge on first appearance, like people say, you don't get a second chance at a first impression.  If the person has made me angry, they will know.  I don't hesitate to tell someone I can't stand them. Unfortunately I have this sick talent to hide it behind sarcasm or compliments, so most people aren't aware they're being insulted. (Trust me, that annoys me like hell)

There are some situations where I need to stay out of it.  I can think of three off the top of my head. And it irritates me to no end when people can't prioritize. There are other things that are more important. And if you would realize that, you wouldn't be coming to me for help when you realize it. I can't always help you. Period. The end.  So yeah, I guess I'm pretty open.  As for people who write me out of their life over childish drama; eventually, though I may take you back, I will realize that there's a reason I walked away in the first place.

And if you're a friend I really care about, and I offend you, I will fight to get you back. Simple as that. ^_^

But the people who matter already know how jealous I get, how serious I am, and how sarcastic I can be. Those are the people in my life who put up with me, even when I'm enough of a bitch to tell them to go to hell.

What I am is a Fighter.

You were picked on in school, what can you suggest for dealing with it?

PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I AM NOT A COUNSELOR, SO PLEASE DO NOT TAKE ANY ADVICE I GIVE TO HEART WITHOUT TALKING TO AN ADULT FIRST. I CAN'T PROMISE ANYTHING I SUGGEST WILL WORK. HELL, NONE OF IT WORKED FOR ME. =(
 
I don't know how to answer this.  I was teased so bad I had to leave school. It also depends on if you go to a school where the teachers actually give a flying damn. The people I went to school with never listened. I would get suspended for fights I didn't start.  So, honestly, I can't really answer this question.  The most I can say is don't get physical unless you have to. Most kids are just talk. I was always told to never throw the first hit.  Also, make sure that if anything does happen, you have an adult present.  I know it's hard to do, thats why nothing ever got solved. Most schools have a "zero tollerance" policy, so they have to at least look into it. If you're getting threatened DO NOT wait to tell an adult!!!!!