Why Wait? This is our Someday.

What is the hardest thing you ever had to do?

In my eyes, the hardest thing I'll ever have to do, and it still happens to day, is letting go of a friend.  Sometimes you just need to walk away because you've got irreconcilable differences. Sometimes you just need to say goodbye because they're only hurting you...but nothing hurts more than saying goodbye to someone you were once so close to.  I've had many friends over the years, and I've said goodbye to many people.  I say "goodbye" because it's more permanent. When you say "Goodbye" it kind of implies there's no going back.

Of all the people in my life, two of them were particularly hard to say goodbye to.

James. James will always be number one because I'll always remember that he was my summer love.  And I guess winter got the best of us this year.  He was very close to my heart, and I still stop breathing when I see he messaged me. I still cry when I remember that we never got to meet. I'll still hurt when I realize that it was all a joke from the beginning.  And unfortunately, though I haven't officially said goodbye, I know it's coming.  I know I'll have to, because my heart isn't a joke. I'm tired of you pretending that you're so flawless. Granted, to me, you were flawless. But you really aren't. You were the first one to argue with me when I said I was fat. You were the first one to call me when I said I was going to kill myself. I stood with you through floods, storms, depressions, suicide attempts, tears...nights of restlessness...three breakups...and it took my leaving for you to realize how much you really cared. And now that I'm with someone, you make my whole life topsy turvy. You make me rethink everything I was so sure of not even ten minutes ago.  You make me wonder why I let go.  And the problem is that I need to let go.  I refuse to let you be my stalker. I love you. But, like you said. You don't love me like I love you. So if that's the case, you need to stop saying that "I love you, why did I let you go"? In the end, James, you let me go...so I'm allowed to say no to you. Like you said before; you have a bright future ahead of you...it just doesn't include me...I'm sorry you didn't realize I would have done anything for you. I'm sorry you'll never know what my limits are when it comes to you.  But, sometimes, you just need to walk away and let go. The only thing worse than beating a dead horse is betting on one.

Jaime. When I left him, I told him that I was leaving him to be with Ray. I didn't stop to think of how he'd feel. I didn't think I would regret it. I just did it.  I went and walked away promising to visit one day and I never did.  I still hate myself for doing that to him...and I would never do it again.